Election Night, 2016 at Kanye West’s Estate:
“Yo yo, Kanye! What up!”
”Oh, look who it is, my so called agent in charge of keeping me rich. You’re faltering dawg… sales are flat and KW is becoming about yesterday! I’m not happy. They’re starting to call me Mr. Kardashian! “
”Listen, I feel you, and am here on a mission to put you on top for now and the vicinity! Hear me out!”
”Hear you out?! Brother I need results. I’m tripping! What have you got to say?! Should I take notes! You’re just going to make my ears hurt!”
”Word, KW. I’ve seen your future and it’s all white… which is to say green!”
”Man, get the f**k outta here. What kind of gibberish is that. Sweetheart, find me my Rolodex, I’m looking for a new agent!”
”No, for real. This is golden. Here it is…. we go after the senior cracker market! Aged 50 and up!”
“What! You’ve got to be kidding me! Why would fossilized white people want anything to do with my brand. Go take another shot of jet fuel and leave me alone!”
”No, KW, for real. Here’s what you do…become Trump’s best black buddy. Come out and tell everybody he’s your President. Prop him right. That orange, peltheaded beast will be our ticket.”
”Oh, so you want me to become Trump’s token black celebrity?! Where’s my gun?! Do I look like Omarosa?!”
“Lover, this is all business! 100%! What do you care what the world thinks? Never did before. It’s all about getting paid. That fool may even invite you to the White House for a meeting! You’ll be the only game in town! And believe me, those zombies that worship him, you tell them what they want to hear, act as crazy as he is… out comes the plastic! Elmer Gantry time. You’ll be giving 15 minute speeches at 100 K per!”
”Damn, you may be making sense after all. But I don’t relish betraying my people. That shit is sacred!”
”Since when does fleecing white bigots make you a race traitor? Folks will understand. It’s all about the money! Take em for all they’re worth. It’s business, Sonny. It’s nothing personal! Show that blabbermouth blimp some love and I’ll get the wheelbarrow for all the cash!”
So I make the Donald my new pal, call him my President and whatever, wear that hat etc., and Appalachia will follow; is that what you’re saying?”
”Exactly right! You tell those corpses what they want to hear and suddenly you’re Jefferson. Senator Ted Cruz….need I say more. It’s all there KW, ours for the taking. Tabula rasa, baby! Blank checks, fully endorsed by our new POTUS. MAGA money!”
”You know, I must admit this is starting to come together! Some heads will explode! But those flyover $millions are attractive. Damn! Did I say you’re a genius?! Come here!!! Honey, could you bring in a bottle of Dom? We need to celebrate. To our new President, Donald ATM.“ BC