“General!! Get your ass in here!”
”What can I do for you, Mr. President?”
”Listen, you told me to wait until after the mid-terms; it’s after the mid-terms. Time to clean house. I need a team I can trust!”
”Who do you have in mind, sir?”
”Everybody except DeadBolt and lil Stevey Miller. Oh, and Chubby over at State; he knows how to follow orders.”
”Have you given any thought to who will replace all of these people you want to pur… er, allow to leave for other opportunities?”
”Sean is working on the list. But they have to be team players, none of this “I am unaware of that” crap. If they can’t think on their feet, I don’t want them! Period!”
”But Mr. President, you yourself can’t keep track of all of your lie….. um, reconsiderations. How do you expect us to? We state current policy only to have you contradict us. How are we supposed to handle that?”
”Hello! Anybody home?! How did you become a General anyway?! Pretty stupid, Kelly! How hard is it to say “I stand by this historically great President 110%?!” Pence doesn’t have any problem doing it, and he’s dumber than dirt. Even Barbie Ann manages it. I can only take so much cue ball! Instead of nagging all the time about reading a position paper or this crap about waiting 10 minutes before I tweet something, why don’t you get your troops in line?! Just one of the many reasons I want to can your ass and get Bannon back in here. At least he can scheme and chew gum at the same time. So unfair.”
”Mr. President, all we’re doing is trying to serve you. For God’s sake, you couldn’t even scan that Wikipedia I gave you on the Baltic States, and look what happened! Baltic… Balkans; is it really that hard? Did you see how horrified they were? You are the President of the United States! Blaming the wrong countries for war and genocide doesn’t cut it! Piss poor, sir!”
”This is what I’m talking about! If I want lectures on basic competence, I’ll call Vlad; at least he understands power. You and your little bimbo at DHS are weak! Look at all those rats pouring over the border!! And now millions are on their way in that caravan. Pathetic. Lindsey is right; it’s all your fault!”
“Lindsey?! Oh, really? So now it’s Lindsey who you trust? You used to despise him. Remember the primaries?”
”He’s had a change of heart since he saw the pics… er, I mean the light. Let’s just say he’s , hee hee, flying straight now. Just needed a little reminding about how, hee hee, tenuous his position was. No more trouble from Lindsey; he’ll be very fair to me from now on. I might even appoint him to something if Sean is on board.”
”Sir, don’t you think giving Sean Hannity a voice in the make up of your Administration is kind of crazy? What the hell does he know anyway? He’s just a “news personality.”
“You’re on dangerous ground, General! JUST a personality?! Sean has been more fair to me than anybody! I trust him. We can’t all be Henry Kissinger, Mr. Big Shot! Common sense goes a long way, and Sean has plenty of it! He was right about Hillary, wasn’t he?!”
”Right about what on Hillary?”
”Everything! He and Alex Jones were way ahead of everybody! Anyway, I trust him and that should be enough for you! Stop trying to change me, Kelly! Trump is his own man. He governs by instinct!”
”When are you going to tell everyone they’re out?”
”I’m not, you are. And make sure you remind them about the non-disclosure they signed! I don’t want to get Omarosaed again! Tell them Trump will sue their asses to kingdom come if they so much as frown when talking about me. Capice? Ungrateful bastards!” When’s my next rally?”
”What do you mean, next rally? Mid-terms are over. You lost the House…remember?”
”No duh, John! Do I look as stupid as you are?! I want to get an early start on 2020. Besides, I have to explain some new things.”
”Like what?”
”I’m taking heat for not going to that damn cemetery. The fake news is really running with that one.”
”I suppose so; it really did look awful. I told you it was an important function. Really the whole reason we came over. You could have worn a hat. I thought your stylist had a “breakthrough” spray that could hold up to hurricane gusts. What happened with that?”
”Get out!! You are on my last nerve! A lot of wind AND rain. Very dangerous combination! I have a brand to protect. MAGA means a worldclass combover, a do that stays poised to the elements, General! Never forget, it is my real hair! No, no toupee here! All real! I don’t need second guessing from you! Very unfair! Trump made the call to stay dry and tweet!”
”Well, how do you plan to explain it to the wretc… um, your supporters?”
”John… I’m going to tell the truth. There was near zero visibility, which I said who cares about, so determined was I to get there. But then there was also the possible deep state plot to sabotage the rotor thingamajiggy, which I also scoffed at and insisted we risk it. However, there was then word Antifa assassins may have penetrated the security perimeter. Just a perfect storm of obstacles. The Secret Service still had to physically restrain me, but hey, what’s a security team to do? Of course the fake news scum ran with lies. Traitors!”
”OooKaayy now!”
”Anyway, back to the reason I called you here to begin with. Uh, let me think a minute.!”
”You wanted me to see what PGA pros I can get to join you for a round at Doral next weekend….remember?”
”Right, right. And forget that kid I played with last time. Way too much of a rules stickler. No fun at all. You’re dismissed.”
”Very well, Mr. President.” BC