“Little Mickey, get in here!”
“Yes Sir! Although I am surely not worthy, how can I at least attempt to meet your needs?”
“Listen Mickey, this Twitter blackout is killing me. These fingers need to move! The deplorables want me declaring victory over that deep-state scum, Mueller!”
“Sir, I know you’re anxious, but we need to wait. It’s still not a slam dunk. Granted, no indictments is promising, but Barr used the word “comprehensive” to describe the report. A lot of ground was covered, and you faced loads of liability.”
“Don’t give me that, you little rat, it was a witch hunt! Whose side are you on anyway?!”
Your greatness, it cuts me to the quick you could ever question my loyalty. I’d not only take a bullet for you, I’d take one for Uda… Er, I mean Don Jr. I’m all about MAGA! But listen, this thing has many aspects; Mueller’s team opened plenty of cans with lots of worms…. uh, for no good reason of course.”
“It’s all bullshit, Mickey. Powerful men like me and Vlad won’t be leashed. My people want me to keep my promises. That’s what I’m doing and then some… like that hill in Israel… what’s it called again?”
“The Golan Heights, Sir.”
“Yea, the Golem Heights. Hey, cool, named after that little freak in The Lord of the Rings, huh? Loved those movies. Actually sat through most of them. Tyler’s daughter is hot.., with the Spock ears. Loved her. Anyway, I’m an ally you can count on. Bibi said jump, I said how high! That is MAGA foreign policy right there! Now that I’m not going to jail we can really start delivering. But, damn it Mickey, I need to tweet!”
“I understand best of all mankind, it’s got to be hard, but just hang tough for a bit longer. Remember, Mueller isn’t the only witch hunter out there. The Southern District of New York can act on his findings. That would be trouble.”
“Screw those assholes, they’re weak. I own New York. They’ve never laid a glove on me. That rat bastard Cohen did his best and Sean says Mueller’s got nothing. That’s good enough for me. I want to send out some warnings and let Chuckie and Nancy know they better be careful. The Sons of Anarchy love me!!”
“Well, your highest of all IQs, he did pretty much prove you lied, er, embellished, from start to finish with that floozy. Those checks are very bad sir.”
“Why… you little scab! I’ve had it with you! He did that all on his own, I didn’t know anything about it. Bad enough I have fake news to worry about, my own Chief of Staff/Budget Director/Head of Consumer Protection stabs me in the back! You’re history, Mulvaney!”
“My deepest apologies, oh hair that’s the most natural, it wasn’t my intention to anger you. I’d carry your golf bag on the hottest day, and look the other way any time you sought a better lie, sir. It’s simply that Congress is now in the Democrats’ hands and, whatever Mueller’s Report concludes, Schiff is going to keep at it.”
“Let him try! Sean and Tucker already promised they have my back! Shiftless will be public enemy number 1 now that Mueller only proved I lied at every conceivable opportunity. Fair is fair. My people understand the difference between the law and politics. They want to move forward and focus on that rotten Federal Reserve trying to ruin my economic miracle. The brilliant, er, who’s that great economist I’m appointing again?”
“Stephen Moore, oh most virile of all men.”
“Yea, Moore… he’ll shake things up over there! Love how all the snowflakes are crying he doesn’t have any credentials. Who do they expect me to pick? Some lib?! Love driving them crazy. Besides, Kudlow says he’s the best. I like him, too… even if he is a stuttering son of a bitch… hee hee. Hell, he’s more of a weasel than you, Mick!”
“Uh, thank you most decisive. I think. Anyway, please promise to stay off the Twitterverse for a while longer. Let’s make sure it’s a done deal before taking a victory lap. Go get in another round sir. Better yet, I believe the Greg Gutfeld show comes on soon. You know how much you love that little imp…”
“Yea, he kills me. Hilarious, but loyal! Ok, Mickey. But this type of discipline is tough. Trump does as he pleases, when he pleases. Just call Barr and remind him who he works for! I don’t want any of this integrity bullshit with him. Get me a copy of that report with plenty of cliff notes! Got it! Meanwhile, I’ll call Pudgy Pompeo and conference in Bibi. That election is going to be close. He sure is going to owe me!…..”. BC