Those interested in the intangible benefits of a full college experience need only appreciate my wife’s relationship with her University of Virginia Kappa Delta sorority sisters. Forty years after graduation the group is as close and supportive of each other as ever. It’s hard to imagine a tighter more enduring bond than that exhibited year in and year out by Sue and her KD cohorts. Whether it’s a pandemic-necessitated weekly zoom club, a now vaccine-enabled return to monthly pot lucks, or even daily texts and emails of support during tough trials, this group of ladies are true blue to each other, rain or shine. Doubtless, the daunting challenges we have faced over the years would surely have been considerably more injurious without the emotional KD safety net always available to my wife whenever she needed it.
Sue’s relationship with her various college compadres is as diverse as the group itself. Some became her best friends, who live near us and are daily parts of her life. Others have gone separate ways, but with the rise of social media became more accessible and up for reunions should circumstances coalesce. And so it was that Sue informed me her old college buddy, “Cathy” and husband, “Steve” would be stopping by our Maine house for a short overnight visit a couple of weeks ago.
My marching orders for these get togethers are always the same: take care of basic infrastructure such as dining options and our son Luke’s requirements – thus freeing up Sue to focus on the joys of her reunion – and engage with the significant other, who usually comes to the enterprise with a similar game plan that informs his supporting role. Of course, it helps matters immensely if the spouse is easy to get along with and on board with the program.
Steve couldn’t have received higher marks in all those areas. He was someone I quickly felt fortunate to know and looked forward to seeing again. We shared much in common, including a pressing interest in current events and the national discussion they create. And even though Sue alerted me ahead of time that Steve’s “retirement” job was pastor of a small non-denominational congregation, and that the couple were ardent Christians, it soon became clear we could converse about politics and society without undue tension and conflict arising to poison the general atmosphere of Sue’s agenda. In fact, their brief stay with us was wonderful, actually leaving me near as anxious to see them again as Susan… a first to be sure.
Yet and still, my discussions with Pastor Steve, while engaging and constructive, also underscore what ails us as a country right now, and what permits further corrosion of the ties that increasingly fail to bind us. He, like millions of other Republicans, doesn’t appear to adequately appreciate either the depths of the party’s descent, or what a devotion to democracy demands their response should be. For all the joviality and common ground we could agree on, the yawning chasm of that disagreement, frankly, renders all else moot. For the sake of comity I wasn’t going to push him and demand he provide any lines in the sand MAGA sensibilities have or could cross for him. And he wasn’t willing to volunteer them.
Steve was “appalled” at the events of 1/6 and cognizant of who was to blame for them. But he was considerably more interested in discussing “policies,” repeatedly defaulting back to the pre-MAGA paradigm of Washington politics when the peaceful transfer of political power our common faith in the US electoral process enabled. That he doesn’t seem to believe things have changed too dramatically regarding that fundamental premise is what separates us.
It’s easy to understand the predicament someone like Steve is in. No doubt a substantial slice of his congregation abides if not embraces the Big Lie and its various nonsensical trappings. When I asked how he navigated that terrain he chuckled and conceded it was not easy. I was very interested to hear what those conversations sounded like, but respected boundaries I assumed existed regarding his interactions with congregants. But whatever he felt regarding the percentage of his flock enamored by MAGA fiction, it didn’t seem to weigh on him too terribly much.
Honestly, I remain baffled as to how a thoughtful Christian pastor should handle the issue, but feel certain that, apart from fully avoiding it within the religious sanctum in line with church and state separation – an approach that seems neither feasible or appropriate – church leaders should, as Mitt Romney very effectively put it on 1/6, “start by telling them the truth.” Either way, our discussions avoided most all details of that issue, instead favoring his opinions as a Republican “political junkie,” with an emphasis on critiquing Biden and considering differences between “liberals and conservatives,” not the existential implications tied to one of America’s major political parties surrendering totally to Fox/AM disinformation.
In fact, rather than directly confront the question of whether devotion to lies should be disqualifying, Steve instead preferred to riff on “the concept of truth.” His implication seemed to be assessing lies from politicians was a subjective matter, a partisan affair. Of course, this was troubling, but to pursue it further only promised taking the conversation to a more contentious level, which, given my past track record, would probably have led to rancor. So I shifted back to our glory days as beach patrollers on the Delmarva coast and the rest of the evening was non-controversial.
Lately a slew of books document and confirm what the DR was certain of in 2016, that Trump and MAGA are ruinous to America. Despite the epiphany many have undergone since 1/6, too many others, who should know better, remain obtuse about the continuing threat we face. Across the spectrum of our most daunting challenges, from climate change to immigration, Covid vaccinations to confidence in basic electoral processes, the GOP is devoted to easily demonstrable lies for no other reasons than its craven standard bearers are either too cowardly to lead, too criminal to care, or actually believe the yarns they purvey. The whys are less important than the result… a major American political party unapologetically disinterested in anything other than spreading absurd fictions in pursuit of sabotaging basic governance. In other words, sedition.
Most of us invested in keeping the US a going democratic concern would sleep much better if we were confident that, at the least, Trump’s post-election outrages shocked the Pastor Steves of the world enough to instill a determination to exert future accountability at the ballot box. The idea that somehow otherwise decent and thoughtful folk can ingest Trump’s consumption of the GOP, and its now near total reliance on his torrent of imbecility, as just another stage in our nation’s political continuum – simply an “ultra-conservative” look and feel that has a counterpoint “on the far left” toward which the Democrats are trending – portends nothing but continued stress and worry.
Talking with Steve, I was fishing real hard for such assurance. Several times I felt obliged to point out that I really hadn’t offered much in the way of opinions about specific issues, only intolerance for assaults on democratic norms that I held Trump and MAGA responsible for. I wanted nothing more from Steve than some optimism he shared at least a measure of my disdain, some glimmer that the last four years were out of bounds, an unacceptable lurch over the line he’d desert the party for if it continued into the ‘22 cycle. He wouldn’t give that to me. Then we had lobsters. And that, as they say, is the hell of it. BC